So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
