Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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