I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is the high leading the old right now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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