Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
