420 ftw
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
