Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize