wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
birth control should be required to get into college
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
