i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
