I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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