i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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