i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
