Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
