Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
