just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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