Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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