even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
