I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
