The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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