the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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