Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
