sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
