Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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