Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
