i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
