just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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