you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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