Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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