Im at strip club and am horny
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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