Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Randomize
