a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
