Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
