we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
