Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
