im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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