gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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