we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
