i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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