is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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