I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
