I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
