What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
