i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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