i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
