Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
