You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
