youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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