id be glad to
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
