So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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