mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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