I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
