i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize