You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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