I am puke
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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