the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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