i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
