i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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