"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
