Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
