Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
