He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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