we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize