then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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