btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
