Pregnant stripper...not hot.
pop tarts are not kleenex
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
