last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
