what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
